Sometimes people makes me want to stop drawing.. Sometimes they make me want to change.

I really want to change, I want to be more tolerant, I want to be more patient, I want to stop getting worked up in only 1min. I want to be able to say a comment without make it looks like a criticism.

I don't like to be bad-tempered. Some people say that it's ok, but it's not ok for me. It's a pain to have the impression that everything I can say can hurt someone. It's a pain to want to kill my brother just because he comes in the same place as me. It's a pain to not be able to reply something without being aggressive. Nobody takes me seriously, with that bad tempered people think I'm just a stupid little girl.

It's so easy to make me irritated, too easy. And when I'm like that, I have the impression that a fire burns in my heart. I can't do anything, I just want to destroy something. And I hate myself so much that the thing I want to destroy is my own body. 'Cause it's my fault if it's a pain, so I don't have to hit someone, I don't have to break something. The only thing that put out this fire is to gash a part of my body. And because it's a choice, because I don't find any other solution I don't like when people say that I should stop that. Even my mother doesn't have to say that (and I really don't like when she told me that I don't have reason to do it, and that she wants me to stop).

If someone knows how to change, give me some instructions.

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works in progress
spirits issue#47 : 20%